Two months in South America. The beautiful city of Buenos Aires, southern hemisphere glaciers, colorful Valparaiso, Chile. Inflation crazed Rio and a week of punishment down the Amazon on the Liberty Star.

Two Months in Europe. Spain, France and Italy. Running with Bulls in Pamplona, surfing with Basques in Biarritz, and meeting fascists near Florence.

Nothing prepared me for India.

First the primer, Sri Lanka. It’s like a kinder, gentler India. 25 years of civil war seems to have kept the country focused on the basics. Like not being killed. Typically, a Sri Lankan only needs to worry about hungry leopards, angry elephants, rabid monkeys, viral mosquitoes and natural disasters. But in the early 80's the conflict with the Tamil people, in the North of their little island, also brought a bloody Civil War into the mix.

In 2009 the Sinhalese people, of the South, solved this problem by defeating the Tamils. But not in a nice way. Apparently it involved the death of some 27,000 Tamils. And then there was the 2004 Tsunami which wiped out another 35,000.

All I’m trying to say is that basic survival has been an issue in recent years, and their culture has stayed relatively simple as a result. Things are pretty easy going, temples, trains, stoplights and markets are all loosely interpreted and generally accepted as optional.

The capital city of Colombo is a mix of buses, taxis, scooters and bicycles all trying to turn down the same lane at the same time. There are roadside temples honoring the Gods of pretty much every religion each block. From Vengeful Shiva to Placid Buddha, to the Disco Jesus, they are covering all their bases. And this deserves some respect, because driving in Sri Lanka definitely improves your chances of meeting at least one of them in person. If you are not interested in meeting your maker anytime soon just remember this basic lesson- the bus always wins.

Colombo, the big city, isn’t any more interesting than any other city, so the best part was leaving, which we did several times. The first time was the train to Kandy. Sounds fun right? Like a Willy Wonka ride. It’s actually a narrow gauge railway built by the British in the 1870's. Sometime in the 1950's, the Sri Lankan Railways company upgraded the steam engines to diesel in order to compete with kick-start scooters as a method of travel. Unfortunately they didn’t seem to upgrade the tracks as well, so the train ride to Kandy is like traveling through steep and cavernous jungle peaks on a paint mixer.

If you forget to bring Dramamine just remember to focus your eyes on the horizon, it helps.

Once you are in Kandy things generally slow down and become much more manageable. The centerpiece of downtown is the old prison, which is called the old prison because it was built a long time ago, not because they stopped using it as a prison. I guess 'old prison' has a better ring to it than 'current prison', or 'still prison'. It’s round, kind of like a coliseum. But were getting sidetracked here.

Other features of Kandy are the 'Palace of the Tooth Relic' and the Kandy Dancers, which are conveniently located next door to each other and feature events at staggered times so you can see the Kandy Dancers perform awkwardly choreographed numbers with huge enthusiasm, and then you can go and visit with one of the Buddha’s teeth.

We actually were so overwhelmed by the Kandy Dancers that we played it safe and opted for a plate of Hoppers, rather than take a chance with the tooth of the Buddha. Hoppers are basically crepes made from rice instead of wheat, they seem limited to Sri Lanka and are so good that they nearly make the trip worth it.

And here’s a tip for when you go to see the Kandy Dancers, sit behind the guy with the iPad, because it’s a sure thing that he’s going to hold it up over his head and record/photograph the performance with the built in camera. It’s almost like having someone hold up a TV screen for you, like the Jumbotron at a ball game. But smaller. And closer. And less optional.

Mmmm... hoppers.

Our next destination was Arugam bay, for surfing, and hunting Hoppers.

The typical way to get there is to hire a cab for the 6-7 hour drive from Kandy to Arugam, and a price of approximately $100. But one of the geniuses on this adventure had so much fun on the train ride to Kandy, and thought driving in Sri Lanka was such a great idea, and wanted the 'freedom of a car' in Arugam bay, so he convinced the other that we should quickly go back to Colombo and get a rental car.

The other option was the $100 cab ride and then being held hostage by the Tuk Tuk drivers in Arugam, who sometimes ask as much as $5 to drive you 20 miles to a surf break and then wait for 2 hours while you try to hurt yourself.

Naturally we went for the rental car. 

You know 3 card monte? Where the street hustler is shuffling 3 cards around and you need to find the Queen? That’s what it’s like renting a car in Colombo. You NEVER accept the first car they offer. That’s the beater. They just want to get it off the lot to the first sucker that will go for it. Or the second. They are still testing you. That one might look ok from a distance, but up close you realize that it’s probably been involved in several fatalities and has been rebuilt with parts scavenged from military surplus. By the time you get to the third they know you are a problem customer and will become 'difficult' if you get a lemon.

Now they let you in 'the other lot', with the cars that they don’t really want driven across the island to Arugam bay. The cars that have not been caught in a flood, have no bullet holes in them, and haven’t had issues with wild elephants. But by this point you have wasted so much of their time with shuffling cars around, opening hoods, checking all four tires, making sure AC blows cold... they are committed.

We got a Honda with 4 different tires, poor body repair on every panel and an odometer that had either been rolled back or had surpassed the million mile mark. But it ran pretty well, and it had tinted windows, which might reduce the number of traffic infractions imagined by the police/military/guys-with-guns.

I typically use Google Maps to navigate. It’s been great, I no longer need to refold paper maps, ask for directions, or even think in advance. Google pretty much does all that for me. Except in Sri Lanka. Google seems to have given up on Sri Lanka and tells me 'Services not offered in this region'. So I was back to trusting in Allah and asking Laura if she thought we were going the right way.

It all worked out pretty well though, we just needed to follow the pavement at each intersection to continue on the inter-island motorway. There were times when I was convinced that we were lost on an abandoned, but paved, forestry road. But we persevered. And when we hit the ocean we took a right, and there we were, Arugam bay.

Cows, goats, elephants, dogs, monkeys and Europeans. The only thing missing was Americans. We were frequently told that we were the only Americans in town. You'd think the whole point of traveling is to avoid Americans, but it was actually a little strange. We are everywhere. And when told that we were the only Americans in town I felt a little ashamed, like walking on sacred ground, or dancing at a wake. But I don’t think that was how the locals felt at all. I think they were expecting me to do a trick, or say something inappropriate.

Unfortunately I don’t know any magic.... Luckily they are a kind and forgiving people. Especially the tuk tuk driver. The one with the red teeth and the idea that I wouldn’t haggle over a couple of dollars.

Anyway, the word has gotten out that Arugam has good waves, is still cheap and the war is over. The days of the surfers paradise are nearly at an end, prices are climbing, vacationers are appearing and you can’t really sleep on the beach when you might get run over by a fishing boat at 4 am.

For people based in Asia, Sri Lanka and Arugam are pretty great options, but for me, in North America, I'll probably choose Baja Mexico for the next surf trip.

Arugam was nice, but one of the highlights of the trip was going to the big Yala park and seeing a Leopard. In the wild. But get this... just after the rainy season there are many many water holes, referred to as “tanks” by locals. So many that the wildlife is really spread out and not conveniently located next to the snack shack in the state park. The chances of seeing leopards, and other creatures that don’t really like hanging out with people, are slim. To the point that the parks actually close for a month. The same month we were in Sri Lanka. No Leopards.  Boo.

Now we know to go in the dry season when there are only a couple of tanks and we can probably see a Leopard at sunset. And now you know too.

By the time we had figured all this out we were pretty much ready for the next move which was India. So we drove the southern part of Sri Lanka and spent a day in Hikkaduwa, another surf town, but the swell was so choppy that no one was out.

We did meet a salty old British expat, with a unique perspective on yoga and a great sense of humor. He’s the one who suggested we spend some time in Dharamsala when he heard we were heading for Rajashtan. If you ever make it to Hikkaduwa look for the guesthouse that has Yoga Classes painted on it. Say hi to Lyndon and tell him we said it was ok to use the surfboard that we stashed with him.

And now we are on to our 3rd and final departure from Colombo. Nothing much happened during this visit. We returned the car, ate some hoppers and relaxed in the Clock Inn while waiting for our 2 AM flight to Hong Kong.

Back in Hong Kong for a couple of days is nice. We explored Mong Kok, the most populous place on earth. Discovered the Cupping Room, which is pretty much the best coffee shop on Earth, and I explored the Chung King Mansion in Kowloon. Someday I’m going to return to Hong Kong to stay in the Mansion for a couple of weeks. It should result in enough adventures that I can write a book about it. That place is insane.

Oh look, I’ve written enough to dull your senses and maybe make you sleepy and I haven’t even started on India yet.

India was so overwhelming that I need to stop now. I can’t even think about it.

I’ll let you sit with Sri Lanka for a while and take this time to get right in my head with our experiences in India.

We also need to sort through a million pictures, because words alone can’t describe that place. Even Kipling tried, and eventually resorted to pictures as well.

Kipling. Rudyard. Jungle Book, Mowgli..... that guy.

In our last episode, we were on our way to Singapore. From this rocking train car in India, it seems like a lifetime ago. We are en route to Agra for our journey’s tourist attraction grand finale: the Taj Mahal. But let’s get back to Singapore for a moment. We have a lot of catching up to do!

Singapore is incredible. Beautiful architecture, gardens, shopping centers… and so clean. Fred tells me that gum is illegal there.  What’s more is that I believe him. We arrived at the Intercontinental in the afternoon, jet lagged and bleary-eyed. (No wonder I liked Singapore – we stayed in a couple of very nice places)

That evening my fun, creative husband took me on a date to “Lockdown” – a live mystery game place. It was so cool. They locked us in a room and we had to decode the mystery given what we could discover in the simple, sparse room. We didn’t solve the entire mystery, but I like to think we would have gotten there given enough time and a little less jet lag. It was so fun. I can’t wait to go back and try the other rooms.

Two days in Singapore was not nearly enough to fully experience the place, but I expect we’ll be back. After Singapore, Fred and I went to different places. He had work to do in Manila, and I was going to Sri Lanka to do some volunteer work. After all this time together, 24/7, it was really hard to say goodbye. Or maybe it’s always hard to leave my incredible, handsome, amazing husband… (the one looking over my shoulder as I write this)

I’m going to save the report of my adventures volunteering in Sri Lanka for another post. For now I’ll jump ahead to Sir Fred’s triumphant arrival in Colombo. Unfortunately, he arrived an hour late and sans suitcase; our first and hopefully only lost-luggage experience of the trip. After a few short hours of sleep, we hopped the early morning train to Kandy, the ancient hill country capital and home of the sacred Tooth Relic.

In Kandy we spent an afternoon at the botanic gardens, where we saw monkeys on a trash pile, and then went to see a performance of the legendary Kandy Dancers. The dance critic in me came out in full force here. Maybe I just don’t get it. Or maybe they were having an off night. Either way, I was embarrassed for them, and after an hour of being embarrassed, I was exhausted. We went back to the hotel and skipped seeing the Tooth Relic ceremony. I’m sure the Buddha won’t mind that we didn’t go pay respects to his tooth.

The next day we went to the Pinnawala elephant orphanage. It was actually rather sad. The mahouts don’t treat the elephants very well – they only seem interested in getting you to come close to their elephant for a picture so that they can ask you for money. Nothing like the amazing experience we had in Laos at the elephant sanctuary near Luang Prabang, where we befriended Mae Bunam who took us on a ride through the river and let me feed her bananas. Still, the elephants were amazing to watch. I just wish I had more confidence that they are well cared for and happy. It’s the same dilemma that I have with zoos. I want to see the animals, but I get so sad that they are in captivity – I want to run rescue missions to free them back into their native environment! But maybe zoo life is preferable to the threat of predators? I don’t know.

At this point my intrepid husband decided we needed a car and that he wouldn’t mind driving in the insane Sri Lankan traffic. So we took a train back to Colombo, picked up a car, and drove across the island to Arugam Bay. All in one long day. The drive was brutal and scary and amazing… I’m just grateful Fred was driving. SO hectic, crowded and stressful. But also incredibly beautiful, as we drove through the hill country and saw some amazing scenery. And more monkeys! The red-faced monkey lives in the hills, and the grey languor, with its long tail and triangle-shaped head, lives in the coastal forest near Arugam.

Again we got skunked on the surf. I didn’t catch a single wave the whole week, but I did get a board and fins to the back when a kid wiped out near me. Fred did a little better on his big rented foamer. I should have followed his lead and rented the biggest board I could find. But I didn’t. Fred might tell you that it’s because I never listen, but that’s not true. It’s because I am incredibly vain and only care about how I look. I don’t want to look like a beginner on a foamer! I mean, obviously, I only care about looks – check out my post-surf tuk-tuk hairdo in the photos. Oh the glamour!

We drove back to Colombo via the southern route through part of Yala National Park and spent two days in Hikkadua. There we met a yoga teacher/surfer who is rivaled in intensity only by our surfer buddy Scott at Morocco Surf Adventure. For those of you who know Scott, imagine him about 15 lbs skinnier, all bones and sinew, and talking passionately about yoga instead of surfing. Intense dude. His yoga classes were cancelled due to rain, but I can’t wait to go back and study with him. It might break me, but I’d love to catch some of the fire that man has. He promised to teach our spines how to dance, and that we’d do it by following his guru’s ABCs system. He even gave us laminated cards depicting the series. It looks freaking hard.

From Sri Lanka we flew to Bangkok. By this time I had a cold, so I spent at least one full day there in bed. We had a few meetings, took care of some business and basically recharged. No “Hangover 2” for us in Bangkok! We’ve done the tourist attractions there before, so I don’t feel a bit bad about not seeing more of the city.

After three short days in Bangkok we were off to Hong Kong. We arrived to find warnings posted all over the city about the impending Typhoon Usagi. By then Fred had caught my cold, so after a delicious breakfast at The Flying Pan, we holed up in our little Sheung Wan hotel room to watch the storm from our amazing corner window vantage point. The city basically shut down, and it was cool to see the empty streets, but ultimately it was like watching a rain storm.

The next day we took the tram up Vitoria Peak, walked around the loop at the top, and then walked all the way down to Central. On our way down we wandered into the Hong Kong zoo and visited with the lemurs. I always seem to stumble into this zoo when I’m in Hong Kong. Perhaps all roads lead to the zoo? After our walk, I took the second-most expensive yoga class of my life at Pure Yoga. Having gone so long without a proper class or a place to do my own practice, it felt totally worth it.

And then, in the blink of an eye, we were back on the train to the airport to fly to Manila.

Now, Fred has told me repeatedly about what a difficult place Manila is. The “nice” parts are giant shopping malls, and the “real” parts are third-world slums. So I was very surprised to actually enjoy our time there.  Another amazing fancy hotel experience didn’t hurt. They upgraded us to a room with incredible high ceilings, the most ergonomic bathtub I’ve tried, chocolate truffles with a card addressed to a Mr. So-and-So, and a view of Hermes and Gucci shops from the massive windows.  Who could ask for anything more?

Some facts about Manila. The world’s largest mall is there. All expat life revolves around the various malls. The traffic is always bad, no matter what time of day. There are stray cats everywhere. Certain defunct US restaurant chains are alive and kicking here (Shakey’s Pizza, anyone?). “Jeepneys” are a typical mode of transport for locals. “Vegetarian” dishes often have meat in them. No, not like they used a little beef stock in making the dish, but they actually put a ton of ham, beef and pork bits in there. (See “Assorted Vegetarian Meat in Basket” photo)

While in Manila, Fred and I became godparents. One of Fred’s business associates had a baby on Sept 26th and asked us to be her Godmother and Godfather. Which makes sense because Fred’s resemblance to Marlon Brando is uncanny, as is his tendency to make offers that you can’t refuse. But seriously, her name is Vania and she’s adorable. We got to meet her on her first day in the world. So cool.

The hospital is near Greenhills Shopping Center. Another Manila fact: You can buy real designer handbags at full US-level prices in malls like Greenbelt or The Fort, or you can go to Greenhills to buy the fake versions. Here you will experience the most aggressive sale tactics as you wind your way through the endless stalls of bags. You will be attacked with cries of “SIR MAM BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG?!?!?” and “MY NEW BEST FRIEND! LOU VATAAAWWWN?!? SIR!?!? BAAAG!!!” as they grab your arm and shove bags in your face.

I will admit – I was sad to leave the luxury of Manila, but knowing that we were headed back to Hong Kong made it easier.

On our second stop through Hong Kong, we took a ferry to Kowloon and walked around the madness of Mong Kok, the most densely populated place in the world. We stopped at a Starbucks to try to rest and use the internet, but it was standing room only. Eventually we got two stools at an occupied table.

The highlight for me on this stop was stumbling onto the best cup of coffee we’ve had since Europe.  The Cupping Room was just across the street from our hotel, but sadly we only found it on our last morning there. We had breakfast there and then came back for one more coffee before heading to the airport. We got to watch them sampling the coffee (called ‘cupping’ – hence the name of the shop). They obviously know what they are doing. My latte was perfection – no need for even a drop of sugar. And then in a flash, we were back in the Hong Kong airport to catch a flight to Delhi, India.

And India, my friends, is another story.